A few weeks before I gave birth, I was invited by Kris de Guzman aka OC Mom in Manila to join other moms in attending a series of progressive parenting talks by One Core CEO and life coach Pia Nazareno-Acevedo called “Raising Little Heroes: A Parenting and Self-Enrichment Program” for the New Beginnings Community, which I recently became a part of (more about that in a bit!).
While I normally would try to avoid seminars and lectures – because who wants to spend hours being lectured? hehe just kidding! – this was one talk I was not going to miss. The first module happened last June 25, 2012 and was all about “Filling Each Child with Love”.
While it cannot be contested that I do love my kids, I do realize that there is a right way of loving our children. I have seen often enough that when parents are too lenient, the kids turn out unmotivated or lacking in drive. I have also seen how some of my classmates in high school with too strict parents end up a wild child, if you know what I mean. Sometimes tough love works, sometimes it backfires. There really is no fail proof formula because every child is different and they respond to different ways of being disciplined and loved.
So what did I learn about loving and disciplining our kids that day? Apart from the wealth of insights I picked up that day, we have to avoid James Windell’s Ten Worst Discipline Mistakes Parents Make (read the New Beginnings article on that. http://newbeginnings.com.ph/how-to-handle-disciplining-mistakes).
- Yelling
- Demanding Immediate Compliance
- Nagging
- Lecture & Advice- Giving
- Taking Anger Out on Kids
- Shaming & Belittling
- Setting Traps
- Imposing Excessive Guilt
- Physical Punishment
- Coercion
I have to admit I am guilty of yelling “Noooo! Don’t do that!” and telling my daughter Berry to put all her toys away “Right this minute!” (apparently, that’s demanding immediate compliance). Thankfully, I was relieved to know I was not alone in my guilt. There was a consensus in our discussion group that hello, we are not perfect! But lesson is, we should and fortunately, can avoid committing these discipline don’ts.
For instance, instead of demanding and commanding, we should treat our kids as equals and make a respectful or firm request. And when they do, praise and reward good behavior. While it may be tempting to lecture and give unsolicited advice – which honestly just makes kids tune out, make it a two-way communication by asking questions.
I am aware this requires re-learning and a healthy dose of self-awareness
to keep ourselves in check, but it would be huge help to belong to a
community of like-minded moms, such as the New Beginnings moms I met that
day, who are there to join us in our parenting journey. Let’s face it. When
you are faced with crying kids, or worse, tantrums day in and day out, it
is but crucial to our sanity to belong to a group of fellow moms who will
understand our concerns, help us deal with our issues and not judge us
because of how we think and act.
After all, who doesn’t want to be around fellow moms we can learn from and
learn with in this challenging but fulfilling career called motherhood?
Remember, “No mom is an island!”*
I would love for you to discover and join progressive and progressive moms in the making at the New Beginnings Community on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/newbeginnings.com.ph) and Twitter (@NBMums) too! See you there!
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About the Blogger:
Christine Dychiao is married to the love of her life, and has her hands full with their preschool daughter and a newborn son. She is a social media consultant, a freelance writer and an entrepreneur. In her spare time, she blogs about fashion, shopping and all things that interest her at www.manilafashionobserver.com
