If I realized how much Psychology knowledge I would need to be a parent, I would have taken it up in college. It would definitely come in handy now. Take our lesson from Coach Pia on parenting your child according to birth order: for the first born, the middle child and the youngest child. Because each child is unique, we need to raise them differently and the birth order plays a big role on how we can best parent them progressively.
I only have two kids — two lovely girls. M is 5 years old and I see a lot of the characteristics of a first born from our talk with Coach Pia. She is very assertive and opinionated. She likes things to go her way (and she can be a real pain, believe me. Haha.) I definitely notice how she likes to be a perfectionist (where she got that from, I don’t know!!). She is scared to lose in games in children’s parties so sometimes she’d rather not join. Coach Pia’sparenting tips for first borns definitely help.
- With M, we try not to be too critical because she really takes it to heart and remembers it.
- Although I would prefer that she dresses the way I want her to, we let her dress herself, even if it means mismatching clothes or odd accessories so she can make her own decisions.
- Because she can get impatient, we try to show by example to be patient as well. (Try being the operative word)
- We tell her we’re proud of her and not just of what she’s done. Last summer, she joined the cast of Alice in Wonderland in Trumpets Playshop and we tried to praise her and not just the way she memorized her lines or the dance steps.
- We have special alone times with M. My husband takes M to school everyday. Once a week, I pick her up and we go to the mall and have lunch together, without anyone else.
- For the first 4 years of her life, she was alone and didn’t need to compromise with anyone else but now that she has a sibling, we try to teach her to share the TV with us (not just Disney Junior!) or to take turns when talking about our days.
According to Coach Pia, the first born is reliable and is a great caregiver and we’ve seen that in M ever since her sister came into the world. She’s a great Ate. She plays with her sister, makes her laugh and is always concerned about the baby when we’re out without her.
For our second child, N, I don’t see a lot of the characteristics yet because she is barely one year old. However, we do see that she is definitely the one that makes everyone smile. She’s the comedian of the family. Because we know she will be our last child, my husband is even saying he doesn’t want her to grow up — and that’s when I realized why the youngest ones often act spoiled and want to be babied. However, since we are now aware of this, we’ll be careful to make her feel loved but not “babied”.
One tip that struck me for youngest kids was to avoid giving too many hand-me-downs. Because she’s another girl, this is pretty hard to do as it just seems more practical to just let the younger one use everything our older girl used. I guess, though, we should make the younger one feel she is not the perennial charity of her sister.
It was really amazing how these studies and Coach Pia were able to zero in on such characteristics depending on birth order. I had so many learnings about parenting my kids and this was just a short part of the talk. I’m really happy to be part of the New Beginnings community because I feel like I have a great guide in Coach Pia to help me become a better progressive parent for my kids. Without this guidance, I’d probably get stuck in traditional practices that may probably negatively affect my kids or my relationship with my kids in one way or another. I really encourage mums out there to read the other posts on the learnings from Coach Pia’s talk and join the New Beginnings community on Facebook facebook.com/newbeginnings.com.ph because it really opens a whole new progressive way of parenting our kids. I didn’t get a Psychology degree in college but I’m definitely doing the practicum with New Beginnings now.
About the Blogger:
Kris de Guzman, a self-confessed “OC” pens the blog OcMominManila.com. She is a wife and hands-on mum to her two lovely daughters. She is also a momtrepreneur running two businesses – a marketing firm called Your Brand Story Inc. and a water filter business called Aquasana Store.